Call our toll-free number

Song Of The Moment

Up until the beginning of last week, I have never seen what the people I help on the phone have had to say about me. Last week, however, I was given permission to see what some of their comments on my assistance have been. I don't know if it was the fact that I got to read these *after* coming off a week vacation OR the fact that, up until now, I always thought of myself as a snake-oil salesman, but, in any case, reading how I helped others makes me realize how much I have to give others....


Customer Comments:
(Is there anything the support agent could have done better to resolve the issue during the call?)


"absolutely nothing! Hugh was extremely helpful, patient and educated about the product and knew exactly how to solve my problem and even gave me additional information! "


"I thank you greatly from the bottom of my heart for helping me solve with my issue. In the future I will not hesitate to call again. You made my wife happy and if she if she id happy so am I. Thank you for having very knolegable personnel like Mr. Hugh. "


"hecks no man that guy was crazy cool."


"one of the most knowledgeable and personable reps i have ever encounted. and he got the job done....excellant "


"Nothing. He was wonderful, understanding, very helpful, and funny. "


"Hugh was one of the most professional customer service reps that I have ever experienced! His patience and knowledge was outstanding! All I can say is BRAVO! "

"Hugh was very knowledgeable and very helpful, as well as personable. Had a very good experience. "




Ciao

I'm still looking back into the past

Song Of The Moment

Looking back, this week vacation was probably the best I've ever had. Last year, I was in S'side, living with a woman and her kids. It was ok but, when vacation time came, not only did I *not* take a vacation BUT I spent most of the time my little one was over with her kids.

Now don't get me wrong. Her kids were awesome. But I hated having to share myself with them. I know for a fact my girl had a blast with all the things we did that week. Having stories read to her every night, camping out in the bedroom, going sight-seeing. But I am reminded of how she would go out into the yard and, even though there was always a gaggle of kids to play with, she would always climb into the neighbours treehouse, alone, and play all alone.

As I drove her home after that week, I asked her if she liked me living so far away and with other kids. She said all she wanted was to spend time with me. This year, by comparison, was what she wanted. Just my girl and I, playing. The whole week. Pool next door. Kids from the neighbourhood coming over to ask if she wanted to play, but then leaving when the play was over. This week was the longest time I have spent with my young one, for 5 years. And even though we didn't do much, it will be remembered.






Ciao

Diaries left with cryptic entries

Song Of The Moment

A-Typical blog entry. Lets see, whats new and interesting. Well, a few days ago, my older sister called to inform me that my younger sister had a relapse. The cancer that she has been fighting for 12 years is back. And do you think this information would drive me to even ATTEMPT to quit smoking? I know I have to, but its so addictive.

After I flicked out my cigarette, I walked away from my friends campsite. I needed some room to think. It was nice of them to let me crash with them and invite me along for their outings but all the family things they were doing was dragging up old memories. Walking past the campers and campfires, I saw the payphone....

Trying to get ahold of my ex-girlfriend in S'side so I can get my box of pictures from her. Normally, I wouldn't bother and just treat it like a fire, like I have been all this time, but all my framed pictures of my little one, Mom & Dad, even my High School Diploma are in that box. Emailing her isn't working. No replies back. Going to have to call her on the phone, I guess, and get it over with.

Dropped a quarter in the payphone and dialed the number again. Heart in throat, I listened for the click as the call was answered. "Hello?" .... silence was all I had inside of me and was all that was spoken into my end. "I know you're there and don't think you can scare me! Why are you calling?".... again, I had no answer and held my words, trying to picture the kitchens warmth.

Last weekend, the little one and I spread construction paper all over the kitchen floor and finger/hand/foot/elbow/knee painted. I now have 5 less bottles of washable paint and a large work of art on the living room wall. She's so artistic and talented at times. I hope she never loses that part of her.

"Listen, all you're doing is waking up your daughter, calling at this hour of the night. If you think I'm going to take this bullshit, you're sorely mistaken. And don't think I'll give you the satisfaction of hanging up first, if thats........"....the words, harsh and biting, start to mute, droning down to just the sounds in my head. Memories of calling the house and hearing friendly voices. My Father-In-Laws' hearty laugh as I cracked a stupid pun, Mother-In-Laws' strict and proper tone. A want to ask if those people were there rises up, but then I realize that this is my EX Mother-In-Law, hissing evilly into the reciever. I lay the phone down on the metal stand and walk away.....

Today is the first day of my Vacation! 1 1/2 weeks of relaxing and spending time with my little one. Not much funds to actually do anything much, but just having her over, spending time as a Dad, is nice enough for me. Maybe next year I'll have a car ( After my vacation, going to take out a small loan for a used car, incidentally), and will be more able to take her out to do things.

Walking towards the campsite and where my old Nissan Sentra is parked, muffler half falling off but stereo blaring. My aforementioned buddies had flipped my windsheild wipers upside down, in an attempt at humour. I laughed at this and my buddies girlfriend asks "You didn't call her again, did you?" "No, of course not." I said with my mouth but my friend could see my eyes had another story.


Ciao

The mark that still remains

Song Of The Moment

Yesterday was Fathers Day.

My Dad died when I was in my 20's. I never met him until I was 16, even though he lived 8 houses down from where my Mom and I lived. I seen pictures of what Dad looked like in his day. Grey and hazy pictures of a stocky man in a sport jacket, standing by a railing on a boat. He looked like a boxer or a gangster.

Mom and Dad split up when I was only a baby. Mom took me and my older brother and moved out of the family home in the country. Mom rented a 2 bedroom apt. in the city and I lived there until I was 19, my older brother moving out when I was 4. Dad, apparently, went insane after Mom left and went to what is called "Unit 9", ie the mental ward. He spent a year there and, according to what my brothers and sisters say, when he was let out, was a completly different man. Paranoid and ansty, depending on prescription medicines to keep his thinks straight. Eventually, he took to the bottle. I guess it cost less then the drugs. He stopped taking care of the family home in the country, leaving its upkeep to my oldest brother, who lives beside the house to this day. Dad moved into the city with another woman who took care of him. When I met him at 16, he had shrunk a foot from his hazy picture and the strong, square boxers jaw had been replaced with a limp, given-in look of age.

I remember borrowing his old '85 Granada shortly after meeting him. Fresh new drivers license in my pocket, girlfriend waiting by the door for a drive. For borrowing it, he asked me to give him a drive. To the liquor store. Kings Ransom Scotch Whiskey. This is how I remember my Father. Crouched down in the passengers side of that Granada, asking me to "park aways' from the door so's no one sees him". Well no... I remember him in one other way. I remember tears falling from my eyes as the bagpipes played at his funeral. Looking up at my Uncle with "Why am I crying?" questioning eyes.

I am a Father and I have a little girl.
And I'll be damned if I leave her with the same memories My Dad left me.







Ciao

There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt

Song Of The Moment

Trying to fix burnt bridges is almost impossible, so I have learned. Re-building them is the same. But, even though, I am trying to do that exact thing. At least to make ammends with myself. Yes, I have wronged a few people in the past. Almost everybody has. What I want to do right now is make up for the badness I have bestowed upon them.

This does not apply to everybody I have done wrong. Some of them?....really?....they deserved it. The wrong I did was more of an "eye-opener" that *I* thought they needed. And to those few people, I feel no need to fix what was torn up.

But some I need to. Some meant something to me at one point in my Life. And something I did or said erased that. It won't come back, what was erased. I have learned over time that what was lost is better off lost. But, in order to fully be at peace with myself once again, I need to do some things to make ammends to those few chosen people. Thats a driving force with me right now.

Other then that?.... things are going pretty much as normal. A friend of mine said recently that "Life is what it is...not good, not bad...just something I am doing right now." Sounds kind of bland but its true. Oh well, boring days are better then STRESS-FILLED days.









Ciao

If you can't act like a man, I don't want you around her

Song Of The Moment

"What has happened before will come to pass again". Life is all about cycles, chains of events that cannot be physically controlled. Unless you change your ways, your orderly manner will be beaten down by the randomness of it all. Or so I have learned.

Currently, things are pretty good. Nice job, nice place, saving up for my truck. But, with all the good, there are always hassles. Arguments over seeing my family. Friends acting sketchy or non-existant. People, in general, taking advantage of. Nothing that hasn't been dealt with before...and so, nothing that I can't possibly expect to not happen again. Life is a circle.

I have 2 weeks vacation coming to me soon. Planning on taking a week and going visiting some friends in Ontario and then spending a week with my little one at home. Its been a really, really long time since I took a vacation that was more then a week. Should be interesting.






Ciao

Compassion's in my nature

Song Of The Moment

Wow, someone ask me if it has been a busy month.... g'wan, DARE ya! The answer is "Yes"! Things are kinda different in the "Life of Fiend", so I should jot down an update here for all YOO's.

Firstly, I got a new iPod. 30 Gb 5th Gen black. I never knew what all the fuss with iPods was about til I owned one, really. And, wow, no really, WOW, I really love it. Music player, video player, photo viewer. It rocks. I get to jive to NON-SKIP music on my walk to and from work, show off my pictures to relatives and co-workers in style AND watch videos on my lunch.

The novelty of it is starting to wear off now, naturally, but I still think its a pretty useful little gizmo, even as a futuristic walkman. Mind you, I have encountered problems with it and I can "understand" why so many people can become frustrated with them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Firstly, the screen. All you hear about is "scratches this" and "scratches that". Well, to start, do you carry your TV around with you? No. When you have moved in the past, have you loaded your tv onto the truck and put a blanket or a pillow in front of the screen? Bet you have. SAME THING applies for an ipod. I haven't even taken the plastic protective screen off of the front of this thing and it always gets put into its' "sleeve" when I am walking with it.
Secondly, the battery life. It's a pretty simple concept, when you look at it. The battery is rechargeable. It does not last indefinately. You HAVE TO charge it every now and then. And, as well, the ipod shows a battey indicator on its screen. Most people do not realize that this battery meter is "approxmate"... its like the gas guage on a car. Go up a hill and the needle dips closer to "E", ....driving straight? It levels off. SAME THING! If you are watching videos, the battery meter is going to show you how much battery you have left IF you continue to watch video. If you stop watching video (which takes up more battery, naturally) and start listening to music again, the battery meter will go back to what is expected. "approximate"
Lastly, software errors. I have already given my iPod the "exclamation folder error". It was my own fault for not meeting sytem requirements while I was trying to format it. I understand this and got it fixed rather easily. What I am trying to get at is that "errors happen for a reason"... at least 95% of the time they do anyways. So, instead of complaining that it's "broken", find out HOW it got "broken", and work on fixing it.
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With all that said, owning an iPod and doing tech support is pretty sweet! When someone calls with a problem, I not only can (And DO) fix the problem, but I can relate, because I own one too. I swear, I have had more people call, all frustrated and mad and, GUARANTEED, by the end of the call, we are both laughing! Its awesome! I never thought I was best-suited for this role, but, so far this week alone, I have been told I am "a hero", "a tech-god", and one woman wanted to take me out to dinner! All for helping fix their problems.

All right, I hear you saying "Things have changed because you own an iPod?" No, and maybe yes. Its hard to explain. Anyone who regularily reads this blog knows my ability to analyze things and maybe *MAYBE* I am just going through one of my retrospective moments. Maybe its because its Spring and I can walk down the road without a big winter jacket on, listening to music. Maybe its because I truly enjoy hearing happy people at work, telling me how much I helped them. Who knows. But me likey it......








Ciao

Never let your dreams grow small

Song Of The Moment

"Hook" with Robin Williams is playing on tv. Peter just learned how to use his imagination. "You're doing it, Peter. You're playing with us." Maybe, if I use my imagination, I can pretend that all is right. How can I keep fighting and let it all go at the same time?

Last year I fought a self-started court battle to get access with my Daughter. After 6 months of getting papers filled out, working through legal jargonese and waiting and WAITING for the courts to take action, I gained a court order stating days and times I was permitted to spend with my 6 year old daughter. Why did I start this court-battle? I wasn't allowed to see my daughter for Christmas. I didn't "win" by getting the court-order, I ended the fight. So sick of fighting to spend time with my Daughter. But now?...with my court order, the fighting was finished.

Peter Pan just rose above the table, flying again for the first time in a while. How can I fly if I am anchored by ....by what? "Whats your happy thought, Peter?" My happy thought is what keeps me anchored. My happy thought is so close but so far away.

The past year has been a symphony of "game playing". Whether its :
1. The Phone Game - Where one person waits for the other person to leave the house so they can call and leave messages on your machine, spitting vile hatefullness into the reciever, for the other person to listen to when they get home.
2. The Pawn Game - Saying things to a 6 year old girl so it can travel to the other person. hateful words about you, spoken by a child.
OR
3. The Money Game - This one is devious. Played enough and you almost think that you RENT the right to see your family members!

So obviously, having a court order doesn't neccassarily mean you get to see your children. It only means that the court has ordered it. If the other party does not let you, there is not much you can do about it right away. You can call the cops to have it "documented" and then take the person back to court. I mean you could try to talk to the "other party" and see if they can see clearly that all you want is to be a Father. But that would require talking without yelling, accusing, controlling or threatening.

Peter just found his happy thought. Being a Dad.

This is Easter weekend.

(B) Holiday/special day access will supersede regular access with the father having
access as follows:

(ii) Easter weekend: commencing 2006 and each even-numbered year thereafter from
Sunday 12:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. Commencing 2007 and each odd-numbered year
thereafter, Saturday 6:00 p.m. to Sunday 12:00 p.m.;

I call and I get disconnected after 2 maybe 3 rings. I was informed last weekend by my little one that, even though she wants to see me on Easter, she would be spending Easter with her Grandparents, since they have been away for 2 months. Which is great! But, um, what about her Dad? Isn't "he" allowed to see her as well? What if my Daughter said she would like to see both of us? Would that make it acceptable? What if I had a court-order to back me up? Hows about then? No?

This Hook movie is suddenly starting to look cheesy. I can see McDonalds figurines now, packaged as Peter Pan and Hook, being placed into Happy Meals. I see now the meaning behind the movie! Its all about marketing! Making money!

Happy Easter, My Daughter.












Ciao

Worn out places...worn out faces....

Song Of The Moment


































"I smelt the violets in her hands and asked, half in words, half in sign, a question that meant 'Is love the sweetness of flowers?'"
-Helen Keller

I couldn't bear to hear those words again

Song Of The Moment

"Dear xxxx,
After I walked xxxxxx home yesterday, I was confronted with a nice message from you when I got back to MY home. As much as I like to talk civilly about OUR Daughter, the flip-side is I RESENT scare tactics...ALOT! I have endured your form of "Parenting" for about 7 years now. I have "been the fool for" and "put up with" your threats, criticism and bullshit for far too long. As of today, you are not welcome here. Do NOT call my number. Do NOT leave messages on my machine. I do NOT want you living on my answering machine. If something comes up, find someone ELSE to notify me. Yes, thats right. YOU find someone else. YOU put up with restrictions because of YOUR stupidity.

To further summarize, if you want to end a sentence with "or else xxxxx won't be coming over to your place ever again", I HIGHLY suggest you get a "LAWYER" to word it for you. For THAT matter, I want to know just how much you are mind-xxxxing OUR Daughter in the first place! Do you batter her with questions when she walks in the front door? Do you question her until she cracks and starts crying? I won't ask if you talk civilly about me to her. I have heard enough of "Mommy says we can't afford much because YOU don't give her any money". I have explained how "Daddy gives money to Mommy by giving the money to someone who can give the money to Mommy without anyone yelling" enough to this 6-year-old child to last an ever-loving LIFETIME! If YOU do NOT have enough money because you wasted 7 years of your life working a 2-bit part-time job, spending your spare-time looking for a sugardaddy to support your insanity, thats YOUR fault, you trailerpark whore. Yes, thats right, you, ma'am, are a whore, complete with dead flowers in your 3-year-old trailer park garden and your splitting and rotting garbage bags cluttering the front yard of your 3rd rate hell-hole.

So, in conclusion, when the bills roll in for Baby #2 and you realize you can NOT afford anything anymore, do NOT think of me as your beating pillow. I fought for over a year to end your psychological BS, legal paper trains and endless court battles. I *WILL* do it again."






Ciao

And my scars remind me that the Past is real

Song Of The Moment

Recently, I have been thinking about my Life (ok, thats a lie..everyone thinks about their Life more or less every day) and I have come to realize all that I have done. Sometimes, it helps to search your heart and pick out those few shining moments of accomplishment and bask in the glory of them. It helps you realize who you *really* are....

Of all the things I have done, the one single thing I take pride in the most is being a Father to my little girl, Amber Jane. Through the hard times when my wife and I split up, I always tried my *hardest* to do things with her in mind. I am not perfect and I'll be the last person to say I did everything right, but, I believe I can say that my little girl loves her daddy and looks up to him for help and support. *This*, by far, is the most uplifting thing in my Life, being able to mould a childs future with just my actions as a guideline.

I try to teach her about love by showing her that I can love and how nice an emotion it can be.
I teach her about right and wrong by the decisions I make on a daily basis.
I teach her about honesty by being open with her about everything (to a point).
Most of all, I show her that Family is the roots that she can stand on when she is uncertain as to whom she is. If she needs something or is in trouble, she need only call on me and I will do my best to help. Thats what Family is for afterall.


I remember, after my wife left, I was introduced to the computer and the internet...and I am proud to say that, the things I have done online and the friends I have made along the way DESERVE a mention in my "List of Accomplishments". I have discovered a whole new side of me, one that likes to entertain, one that creates things for other peoples enjoyment, and one that holds dear the companionship of those few people he has spilled his heart and soul out to on the keyboard.
Another one of my accomplishments are the romantic relationships I have had. I haven't found Misses Right yet...but I know that the women I have had feelings for, I have shown them the "true me", not some made-up person trying to impress whomever. I have always tried to be "me" when I start to like someone and that is a true accomplishment in a world of liars, cheaters and players.


All for all, my Life has been rather eventful and adventurous. I have gained so much that its hard to imagine the downfalls of it all. And thats the way I like it. If you think about only what you have done wrong, you will cheat yourself and all around you of your true inner beauty and strengths. And that is what Life is all about...being you, LIKING you .... and taking pride in yourself.


Ciao


Originally Posted September 08th, 2005

the sickness is rising

Song Of The Moment

Will I get in trouble at work tomorrow when I put *this* into my screensaver?

Well, I guess I won't know til I do it, huh? In case you're wondering, *this* is what I look at all day at work (well, minus the faux pas messenger window thingy, that is). Mac desktop with a Windows XP background. Yup, Its messed up.
As a screen saver, that little folder you see there is my collection of windows, mac and other screens, which I use as a screen saver... Its kinda neat to see the default "It is now safe to turn off your computer" screen on the work mac. Yes, simple things DO amuse simple minds....heh.

Ciao

"You've found the princess....she's in another house...go away...."

Song Of The Moment

I've discovered computer gaming again. More to the point, videogame "emulating". For those of you who are not in the know, "emulating" is the act of making a program that "acts" like a video game system. Nintendo, Sega....even Atari have PC emulators. And I have re-discovered them all. Yup, I have successfully installed a Nintendo emulator, a Genesis emulator, a Super Nintendo emulator, an Atari emulator AND, my more recent add....a Nintendo 64 emulator!!

I am amazed and kind of disturbed that the systems that I had paid more then 100 dollars for back in the day are NOW obsolete, since anyone with an internet connection can download the program that runs them and basically ALL the games they could ever want for them, for free. I have played in the course of this week alone Castlevania for the NES, Sonic the Hedgehog for the Sega Genesis, Yoshi's Island for the SNES and even tinkered around with Defender for the Atari! Cost paid for these artifacts? Zero.

The humour value can be high with emulating as well. When I was installing the N64 emulator, I did not have the proper plugins installed to play it right off. Little did I realize what it would look like when I booted it up for the little one just today, only to have our hero, Mario, pop out of his 3-D tube, without arms or legs. Yup, just a floating bouy on air he was. We laughed like LOONS!
After messing around with it enough, we had poor Mario "floating around" with no facial hair and eye-less!! It was a riot. And all for free. Yup, gotta love the interweb!






Ciao

Toggle the Hold switch on and off.

Song Of The Moment

So I think I'm slowly starting to lose my mind. The more I look around at work, the more it is starting to resemble an insane asylum. Walking to the lunch room, I pass by a lady, repeating to herself over and over "Old people do NOT need an iPod...old people do NOT need an iPod..." Sitting in the smoke shack, you can almost guess the first thing everyone has to say "I just had this caller...." or "My *last* call was weird"... or "I hate iPods" etc etc. I think I have gotten over the initial 'I think I'm cracking up" stage, however, when I sit at my desk and listen, I no longer hear the mantra 'ipod ipod ipod ipod' over and over like I used to. Now, I hear people talking out of the phone. Sometimes I understand what they say, and sometimes I say a few words back into the mic, just to acknowledge my presence. "Ipod needs resetting" is usually a good line to say at any given time...buys you about 2 minutes of "My mind is now a turnip" time, with which I can sit and ogle the girls sitting in the cubicles across from me.

Basically, I can sum up almost every call I get in the run of a day in 4 major categories.
1. My iPod is scratched/dented/runned over by a semi and I DEMAND a new one, coz Apple cares.
2. I own a HP ipod and do not have that support line number.
3. I live in Canada and do not have the Canadian support line number.
4. I am stupider then a bag of hammers and need help pushing 2 buttons on this thing I paid almost 300 dollars for.

Its interesting analyzing the typical "Phone Support Customer" though. So much so that I have started running a personal experiment. Nightly I have been dialing a random 1-800 #, just to see what I can get out of it. So far nothing but it's a test still in the works, really. In case you're wondering though, 1-800 THERAPY is NOT a legit toll-free # from PEI.







Ciao

There's a problem with the printer.

Song Of The Moment

So, a friend of mine bought a printer, After installing the software and using the printer, she discovered that the "AutoVoice" (the selected voice clips used when the printer has started "Printing Started!", when the printing is complete "Printing Complete!, etc etc.) sounds like me....

Now, personally, I do not know if I should feel complimented, insulted or ripped-off. Having a celebrity voice is cool....but starring on a Printer CD Installation won't win me any Oscars, dammit!! Anyways, in trying to accept this new "Psuedo-Printer" me, I made a techno song about it. *Note to self : Find a legal copy of FruityLoops 3*

In other news, I recently sent out one of those "spam" emails. The one that asks the responder to send back ONE WORD that best describes me. Normally, I don't like replying to spam but this one seemed interesting enough. The words I got back intrigued me even MORE!

Para said "Unique" : meaning I'm one of a kind, I guess (good thing, eh?)
My old girlfriend said "fun" : which can mean many things, considering...
LadyMoon said "enticing" : meaning I cause others to think (*not always* a good thing)
Charmsie said "Original" : nothing worse then having a FAKE, is there *checks id*
A fellow co-worker said "hobo" : meaning I do tech support and have a fridge full of condiments!

...and in response to Ivanas reply ... "I think fuckoff is supposed to be two words"

Imagine the dating ad I could create JUST OUT OF THESE ONE WORD QUIPS??!!
"Unique, enticing, fun and original hobo seeking romance. Fuckoff"






Ciao

I'd say all the words that I know

Song Of The Moment

My ex-wife is pregnant. My little girl informed me of this last weekend. "Mommys going to have a baby, Daddy!" How am I supposed to react to this? Seriously. No one out there, reading this, can honestly come up with a logical frame of mind to have. No one.



Do you say nothing and ignore the fact? No. My daughter is really excited about it. WHY would I pretend like it isn't happening? That would be foolish. Its happening. Accept it. Do I act excited and hurt myself inside by doing it, what with all the mixed emotions involved? For all out there that opt in to the belief that I dwell...please...this is not about dwelling. This is about heirarchy. My DAUGHTER is now learning about "Mothers and Fathers". I have to be part of this teaching. BUT, it also leads to another stage, one where there are 2 players. 2 actors. One of them original casted star. The other? The stunt double, lets say. In the end though, both are actors. Not *really* playing the part. Just reading lines from a script. A script I either lost or haven't written yet.

So, there I am. Standing by the open car door. Little one buckling her seat belt and then looking up at me, like she had just told me what she had for breakfast. I won't lie. The shock hit me momentarily. Images of her as a smaller child tried to flood their way into my mind, soaked with their melancholy flavours. Biting my lip, I said "Really? Wow, darlin'. Tell me all about it." And she did. Oh, did she ever. But it wasn't really about the "baby"....or about "Mommy".... she/we talked about Fathers and Daughters. How she looked at the pictures she has of me when Mommy told her. How she has one picture of me feeding her that she keeps up front. How she had seen pictures of what she looked like when she was in Mommy's belly. How, when her new brother or sister is old enough, she wanted to explain to him/her where she goes every weekend...to see her real daddy. That she wanted to ask her new sibling if they wanted to come over to visit me too.

My little girl was sent from heaven, I swear....






Ciao

you don't know my face at all

Song Of The Moment

I am worried about what kind of world my little girl is going to grow up in. She doesn't understand it yet, but the world I see is not the "rainbow and butterfly" world she has.... its bitter and cold, scheming and deceptive. I hope she holds onto her world for as long as she possibly can. I hope that being her Dad means I can live in her world more than this one I take part in every day. I hope that I can do what I can to make this blackened reality a little better for her. I hope I can teach her, like my Mother taught me, that she has to be strong, but not so strong as to destroy something beautiful in the makings.


Work is work. I walk people through how to fix their technical problems on their computers and sell them protection for the future. I take their money and filter it through the organization so it can make more problems for us to fix. And the circle of wealth continues, as the person sitting at the desk beside me explains to little julie that if she gets her Daddy to pay 59$, all her problems will be fixed up. Then the guy beside me explains how he can't afford to pay his light bill because he has to spend it on car insurance. At least his dome light still works....

I watched at the bars, as the gold-diggers target their prey, the drunken socialites who take them home, feed their need and supply them with the hope that their scheming ways are justified by titling everything as "love". I watch the drunken drunks sloop on their stools, wondering aloud why they can't take that beauty home. I laugh inside, knowing that they can't because they have suffered enough.

Even after watching goldmines go slipping through the eye of a needle and great minds get snapped by the single hair of a woman, after selling my soul and saying its for "the greater good" as I watch my castles crumble....after all of that, I still have hope that its all for something. That good will win and evil wil lose, like in my little ones fairy tales. I have faith. I am not an unthinking machine.









Ciao

Butterfly Angels & Baby Grapes

Song Of The Moment

Re-posted for Valentines Day (originally drafted in Sept. 2005)



"Once upon a time, there was a lonley man. He lived alone, he worked alone and he slept alone. He was happy in the thought that he was doing things on his own, though, and did not realize how lonley he was. One day, the man met a beautiful woman who lived far, far away. He thought, at first, that she was different from most people and loved talking to her. But soon, they were talking all the time, falling asleep on the phone together, sending each other little notes for each other... they were in love. The woman had children and, once the man met them, it was love at first sight. The man had a child as well, but did not see her all the time. Because of this, he was unsure of his feelings for the girls children. He knew he cared for them but was afraid to show it. As well, they lived far, far away from each other and could not see each other as much as they wanted to.
"One day, the two decided to live with each other. They spent weeks happily packing things together and traveling it to the womans place. The thought of being with each other more brought peace to the mans heart and he was not alone anymore. He had someone to love...."

This is where, traditionally, the story ends with an "and they all lived happily ever after."

Unfortunately, this is a new age fairy tale,and must continue as such...

"One day, the man got jealous. He wanted to be with the woman more and more, and when he wasn't with her, he thought the worst was happening. He wanted to talk to the woman...but he didn't. He felt like his world, this new world of happiness, was slowly unraveling underneath him.
Soon, the two started fighting....and the love disappeared. The man moved back to whence he came and the woman stayed where she was. After some time, the man realized what a mistake he had made and tried to get back together with the woman. But she was hurt by the man and did not want him to hurt her anymore. This hurt the mans' heart and he grew sad. He missed her and he missed out on allowing his feelings for her to show."

This story is unfinished...as is so many others in this world...............................


....love doesn't disappear just like that. It fades, sometimes silently, sometimes violently.....but it doesn't just stop. Happy Valentines day to all whom have none.






Ciao

pre-occupied without you

Song Of The Moment

I don't think people fully understand the "passage of time" more then the single Dad. To most, time flows by unnoticed...days turn into months into years fluidly, without a thought or a regret. To the few Dads who don't see their kids as much as they want, who didn't really choose their new lifestyle of being "the guy the kids visit", the concept of time is more *real*. Time is your enemy. It is a four-legged hunter, following behind you, teeth gnashing, waiting for you to slow down...or stop.

Everyone gets lonely at times. No escaping that little fact o' Life. Lately though?.... I dunno. Life has been filtered for me and the way I see it. Maybe its my new role in Life, my new career, new perspectives, new goals?.... again, I don't know *why* it is like it is. I just know that it *IS*. What I have to figure out now is whether this new view on things I have is a positive thing or a negative thing. I would love to have the unhampered view-points of last year. But "Time" passed by, and now, I see those views with the filtered vision of a man looking back down the road he's walked. All I have left of those views are stories and lessons.

I wrote this in response to one persons question "What was the ONE event that made you who you are today?" It seems to fit into my current mental frame-set somehow, so, I will print it here for me to remember....

Ok, seeing as how others have written such things that have made my mind explore their dark realms and fears, I too shall set off on this journey..... take my hand, will you?....I hate walking this road by myself....
Recognize this yard? This is my old backyard, from way back in 1999. Nice isn't it? See that swing set? I built that with my own 2 hands. Yeah, its kinda off-centre, but *I* made it. Amber loves running out and swinging on it, more then that old sand box we got for her. Whats that on the tree? Those are old cd's. They distract the crows from the bird-feeder. Something flashy they see and when they swoop down to snatch it, the cd is all they can get at. I got creative and tied up Black crows, Sheryl Crowe.....pretty funny eh?
Oh wait! Look! Here I come! Its kinda dark out but can you see how well I jumped off the porch and went rushing across the yard? There I go, running for the edge of the backyard, where the nicely mowed grass leads off into the wildly, over-grown field. I'm stopping by the edge and kneeling down in the long grass..... and there I go, screaming.

"NO!! GOD WHY?!?"

Wow, I had quite a set of lungs, didn't I? What am I screaming at, you may ask? Well, can you see the basement light on in the house? See that shadow walking up the basement stairs? Thats my ex wife. She just told me she didn't love me anymore. Now, she is going back upstairs to check on amber before she goes to bed. I will stay out here, screaming for a while at the sky and then just huddled up in a ball int he grass. Then, I will slowly go back inside, where I will sit on the couch til morning, and my ride to the factory, comes.
Lets leave, ok? We've seen all we can see here. You don't need to hold my hand anymore. In fact, if you can find your own way back, I think I might stay here for a while. This place seems more like home to me right now, ok?







Ciao

I believe in ERROR 404

Remind me again *WHY* I signed up for a free Spymac account? Was it because of the so-called "free webspace" thingy? Was it because it seemed like a professional and sociable service, with reviews all over on how "HighTech" they were? Was it because I *LIKED* the number 404 so much?

I'd opt for the last option, myself. Don't get me wrong though. For almost a FULL 5 MONTHS, Spymac served me well, providing what they had promised in the first place, "Free Web Hosting". I uploaded at a whim...if there was something I wanted to show off, *BAM* it was online. I used my website as a portal to all the other sites I frequented. And it gave me a chance to get creative with FrontPage and DreamWeaver as well.

But then, it all went sour. One day, I couldn't connect. I let it be, thinking it was *MY* fault...that maybe the PC I was on was having network issues. Next day, same thing. I went to the spymac support page and found a lovely little post titled "I can't connect to my disc/server". ALMOST 3 MONTHS LATER AND I AM STILL CHECKING THIS THREAD FOR UPDATES ON WHEN I CAN GET ACCESS TO MY SITE BACK!!! I was successful in verifying my account though. It seems Spymac had some "minor server problems" (Major Crash is how it was described just recently by ONE of the only TWO tech support people working for this site), and everyone lost access to their accounts. Spymac is boasting that it is the oldest mac community online, with a public audience of a few hundred thousand people. .... AND ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN TECH SUPPORT!!! After the nightmare of verifying (SMS codes to cell phones, sending 1.19 payment to them through Paypal, emailing them day after day after day for more info), it happened.


I got "THE EMAIL".

Dear DividableFiend,
Thank-you for taking the time to verify your account with Spymac.
Your access to your 1GB of storage space should be back online soon. We
appreciate your contributions to the community and involvement with Spymac.
For help on how to access your files, see the following help topic:
http://www.spymac.com/support/article.php?postid=52
Enjoy your online experience with Spymac. For further assistance, please contact
http://by7fd.bay7.hotmail.msn.com/cgi-bin/compose?curmbox=9CDFA3B3-1317-
426A-B48D93859DFB81B9&a=b3a810d3362a5ca0c26bc613370c5b5a545d2192ce17d0
4f2fe89f04e11d9564&mailto=1&to=techsupport@spymac.com&msg=DD1150F3-DA21-
4C09-8A50-DD5FD87DB4E8&start=0&len=1343&src=&type=x
Sincerely,
The Spymac Team

I rushed to the computer, entered in my old password and I was back IN!!! ... but, everything was GONE!!! ... Oh well, I said. At least I can start uploading again. So what if I have to re-build my entire site again. Hey! I needed to update it anyways, right?

So, off I go to my FrontPage and DreamWeaver, Starting from scratch and making some pretty good starter pages. I upload ONE PAGE...ONE!!!...and all of a sudden I get error messages.

ACK!

Back to my good old "I connect to my disc/server" thread I go...only to discover that the entire spymac site is GONE! ERROR 404'ed!!!

My deduction? After getting all our cash, the TWO Tech guys unplugged their 386 and disconnected the dial-up modem, caught a bus for Bangladore and left all us "Spy's" in the dark.
maybe I'm wrong.... but if I am, then I deserve something free for all this. HELL, THATS WHAT I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING IN THE FIRST PLACE. ...and yes, I know. "Nothings Free"...but does this mean I spent 1.19$ to upload one page?...that I can't even SEE anymore?
WOW! Am I *ever* enjoying "my Spymac experience"!! Kinda feels somewhat like getting done from behind!.....with a broken bottle!











Ciao