And my scars remind me that the Past is real

Song Of The Moment

Recently, I have been thinking about my Life (ok, thats a lie..everyone thinks about their Life more or less every day) and I have come to realize all that I have done. Sometimes, it helps to search your heart and pick out those few shining moments of accomplishment and bask in the glory of them. It helps you realize who you *really* are....

Of all the things I have done, the one single thing I take pride in the most is being a Father to my little girl, Amber Jane. Through the hard times when my wife and I split up, I always tried my *hardest* to do things with her in mind. I am not perfect and I'll be the last person to say I did everything right, but, I believe I can say that my little girl loves her daddy and looks up to him for help and support. *This*, by far, is the most uplifting thing in my Life, being able to mould a childs future with just my actions as a guideline.

I try to teach her about love by showing her that I can love and how nice an emotion it can be.
I teach her about right and wrong by the decisions I make on a daily basis.
I teach her about honesty by being open with her about everything (to a point).
Most of all, I show her that Family is the roots that she can stand on when she is uncertain as to whom she is. If she needs something or is in trouble, she need only call on me and I will do my best to help. Thats what Family is for afterall.


I remember, after my wife left, I was introduced to the computer and the internet...and I am proud to say that, the things I have done online and the friends I have made along the way DESERVE a mention in my "List of Accomplishments". I have discovered a whole new side of me, one that likes to entertain, one that creates things for other peoples enjoyment, and one that holds dear the companionship of those few people he has spilled his heart and soul out to on the keyboard.
Another one of my accomplishments are the romantic relationships I have had. I haven't found Misses Right yet...but I know that the women I have had feelings for, I have shown them the "true me", not some made-up person trying to impress whomever. I have always tried to be "me" when I start to like someone and that is a true accomplishment in a world of liars, cheaters and players.


All for all, my Life has been rather eventful and adventurous. I have gained so much that its hard to imagine the downfalls of it all. And thats the way I like it. If you think about only what you have done wrong, you will cheat yourself and all around you of your true inner beauty and strengths. And that is what Life is all about...being you, LIKING you .... and taking pride in yourself.


Ciao


Originally Posted September 08th, 2005

the sickness is rising

Song Of The Moment

Will I get in trouble at work tomorrow when I put *this* into my screensaver?

Well, I guess I won't know til I do it, huh? In case you're wondering, *this* is what I look at all day at work (well, minus the faux pas messenger window thingy, that is). Mac desktop with a Windows XP background. Yup, Its messed up.
As a screen saver, that little folder you see there is my collection of windows, mac and other screens, which I use as a screen saver... Its kinda neat to see the default "It is now safe to turn off your computer" screen on the work mac. Yes, simple things DO amuse simple minds....heh.

Ciao

"You've found the princess....she's in another house...go away...."

Song Of The Moment

I've discovered computer gaming again. More to the point, videogame "emulating". For those of you who are not in the know, "emulating" is the act of making a program that "acts" like a video game system. Nintendo, Sega....even Atari have PC emulators. And I have re-discovered them all. Yup, I have successfully installed a Nintendo emulator, a Genesis emulator, a Super Nintendo emulator, an Atari emulator AND, my more recent add....a Nintendo 64 emulator!!

I am amazed and kind of disturbed that the systems that I had paid more then 100 dollars for back in the day are NOW obsolete, since anyone with an internet connection can download the program that runs them and basically ALL the games they could ever want for them, for free. I have played in the course of this week alone Castlevania for the NES, Sonic the Hedgehog for the Sega Genesis, Yoshi's Island for the SNES and even tinkered around with Defender for the Atari! Cost paid for these artifacts? Zero.

The humour value can be high with emulating as well. When I was installing the N64 emulator, I did not have the proper plugins installed to play it right off. Little did I realize what it would look like when I booted it up for the little one just today, only to have our hero, Mario, pop out of his 3-D tube, without arms or legs. Yup, just a floating bouy on air he was. We laughed like LOONS!
After messing around with it enough, we had poor Mario "floating around" with no facial hair and eye-less!! It was a riot. And all for free. Yup, gotta love the interweb!






Ciao

Toggle the Hold switch on and off.

Song Of The Moment

So I think I'm slowly starting to lose my mind. The more I look around at work, the more it is starting to resemble an insane asylum. Walking to the lunch room, I pass by a lady, repeating to herself over and over "Old people do NOT need an iPod...old people do NOT need an iPod..." Sitting in the smoke shack, you can almost guess the first thing everyone has to say "I just had this caller...." or "My *last* call was weird"... or "I hate iPods" etc etc. I think I have gotten over the initial 'I think I'm cracking up" stage, however, when I sit at my desk and listen, I no longer hear the mantra 'ipod ipod ipod ipod' over and over like I used to. Now, I hear people talking out of the phone. Sometimes I understand what they say, and sometimes I say a few words back into the mic, just to acknowledge my presence. "Ipod needs resetting" is usually a good line to say at any given time...buys you about 2 minutes of "My mind is now a turnip" time, with which I can sit and ogle the girls sitting in the cubicles across from me.

Basically, I can sum up almost every call I get in the run of a day in 4 major categories.
1. My iPod is scratched/dented/runned over by a semi and I DEMAND a new one, coz Apple cares.
2. I own a HP ipod and do not have that support line number.
3. I live in Canada and do not have the Canadian support line number.
4. I am stupider then a bag of hammers and need help pushing 2 buttons on this thing I paid almost 300 dollars for.

Its interesting analyzing the typical "Phone Support Customer" though. So much so that I have started running a personal experiment. Nightly I have been dialing a random 1-800 #, just to see what I can get out of it. So far nothing but it's a test still in the works, really. In case you're wondering though, 1-800 THERAPY is NOT a legit toll-free # from PEI.







Ciao

There's a problem with the printer.

Song Of The Moment

So, a friend of mine bought a printer, After installing the software and using the printer, she discovered that the "AutoVoice" (the selected voice clips used when the printer has started "Printing Started!", when the printing is complete "Printing Complete!, etc etc.) sounds like me....

Now, personally, I do not know if I should feel complimented, insulted or ripped-off. Having a celebrity voice is cool....but starring on a Printer CD Installation won't win me any Oscars, dammit!! Anyways, in trying to accept this new "Psuedo-Printer" me, I made a techno song about it. *Note to self : Find a legal copy of FruityLoops 3*

In other news, I recently sent out one of those "spam" emails. The one that asks the responder to send back ONE WORD that best describes me. Normally, I don't like replying to spam but this one seemed interesting enough. The words I got back intrigued me even MORE!

Para said "Unique" : meaning I'm one of a kind, I guess (good thing, eh?)
My old girlfriend said "fun" : which can mean many things, considering...
LadyMoon said "enticing" : meaning I cause others to think (*not always* a good thing)
Charmsie said "Original" : nothing worse then having a FAKE, is there *checks id*
A fellow co-worker said "hobo" : meaning I do tech support and have a fridge full of condiments!

...and in response to Ivanas reply ... "I think fuckoff is supposed to be two words"

Imagine the dating ad I could create JUST OUT OF THESE ONE WORD QUIPS??!!
"Unique, enticing, fun and original hobo seeking romance. Fuckoff"






Ciao

I'd say all the words that I know

Song Of The Moment

My ex-wife is pregnant. My little girl informed me of this last weekend. "Mommys going to have a baby, Daddy!" How am I supposed to react to this? Seriously. No one out there, reading this, can honestly come up with a logical frame of mind to have. No one.



Do you say nothing and ignore the fact? No. My daughter is really excited about it. WHY would I pretend like it isn't happening? That would be foolish. Its happening. Accept it. Do I act excited and hurt myself inside by doing it, what with all the mixed emotions involved? For all out there that opt in to the belief that I dwell...please...this is not about dwelling. This is about heirarchy. My DAUGHTER is now learning about "Mothers and Fathers". I have to be part of this teaching. BUT, it also leads to another stage, one where there are 2 players. 2 actors. One of them original casted star. The other? The stunt double, lets say. In the end though, both are actors. Not *really* playing the part. Just reading lines from a script. A script I either lost or haven't written yet.

So, there I am. Standing by the open car door. Little one buckling her seat belt and then looking up at me, like she had just told me what she had for breakfast. I won't lie. The shock hit me momentarily. Images of her as a smaller child tried to flood their way into my mind, soaked with their melancholy flavours. Biting my lip, I said "Really? Wow, darlin'. Tell me all about it." And she did. Oh, did she ever. But it wasn't really about the "baby"....or about "Mommy".... she/we talked about Fathers and Daughters. How she looked at the pictures she has of me when Mommy told her. How she has one picture of me feeding her that she keeps up front. How she had seen pictures of what she looked like when she was in Mommy's belly. How, when her new brother or sister is old enough, she wanted to explain to him/her where she goes every weekend...to see her real daddy. That she wanted to ask her new sibling if they wanted to come over to visit me too.

My little girl was sent from heaven, I swear....






Ciao