Another night. What new things will I find under this layer of dust?The little one is sleeping, dreaming dreams far bigger then I could ever imagine. The little one is not so little anymore either. Words cannot express the joy she brings to my Life. Watching her grow and learn and laugh brings light to my solitude. My self-made solitude.
I can't even begin to count the times I have sat here, late into the night, looking out the window, wondering why? Why just me? Can't I have someone to come home to after a long day of confusion? Can't I have someone to make the day less confusing? Memories, to me, are always in the most vivid of colors, while present day events seem misted in grey.
I wish I could understand what this is all about. I want to see the Big Picture. I want to know what this role I have is. But I can't. All I see is what I have. I have a responsibility to be her Father.
So, no matter how dark it gets, how lost I may seem or how alone it may feel, I do have a role. And that can and does bring peace.
Ciao
