Monday, March 10, 2008

What it is and what it ain’t to be real


Dear Janet,

Every day I get up, I have a decision to make. Do I keep seeing our Daughter and continue to put up with how you treat me? ... or do I say the Hell with it all? I've gotten over you, ok? Can you please stop the hate?

Our Daughter is the most important thing in my Life. So, the choice is clear. But how can I keep on going on, not knowing what is happening with her in school, being tentative of calling to talk to her, not knowing if you will answer and fill the room with hateful comments, hearing my young one tell me she does not want to be your Mailman anymore?

Right now, it would appear, I am just a walking wallet. If someone were to ask you who your daughters Father was, would you tell them he's a jerk? Would you tell them I call your house and leave answering machine messages, telling you to grow up? Telling you if you don't, you wouldn't be seeing our Daughter anymore? Would you tell them how I stopped letting you know when Parent-Teacher interviews were? Or when her school plays were? That, even though the school won't send home anything to you, I won't send over a simple newsletter every now and then, just to keep you up-to-date on how she is doing, as much as you have asked? Would you tell them I kept our daughter from seeing you for over a year? And the first thing our daughter said to you after that year was "I missed you for that whole year, Daddy?"

No, no you wouldn't. That's what *I* have been saying. I wish it weren't all true.

At first, I wanted some sort of apology for all this. But I know you don't realize what you are doing. You.just.hate. Maybe, if I could understand why you hate so much, all this wouldn't be happening? Is there something *I* need to apologize for to make this stop? Have I missed something?

The last time we spoke, you said I don't care. If I didn't care, would I choose to stay where someone is making me feel like a loser 24/7, so I could be the ONLY thing I can be now?

A Father.

please ... no more hate.






Ciao

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

don't you worry you'll find yourself, follow your heart and nothing else


Hi. My name is Hugh MacEachern. I have a Daughter named Amber Jane, who does not live with me. I was married for 7 years, been single for 8 years and have been on this earth for 35 years. My ex-wife despises me to the point restraining orders had to be put in place so she would stop calling me but I get along great with her new boyfriend. Both my parents died when I was a teenager and, being the youngest of my family, my siblings and I do not see each other much, out of disassociation.
I do not take pills or stick needles in my arms. I do like my rum, a little too much at times. I have worked at my current job for almost 3 years now and am trying hard to see the forward motion in it. I was baptized Catholic, raised as a Jehovah's Witness and do not actively practice either religion. I have a tattoo on my left shoulder, a very bad cover-up of a girls' initials I knew a long time ago. I can recite the alphabet backwards and juggle small objects.

These are facts. I know them because they are true.

... and because late at night, as today turns into yesterday, I think of all these things and wonder if it's all 'for something'.






Ciao