Momma will wait up until you get in

Song of the Moment

"Hey Mom."

She's sitting in her recliner in the livingroom, glass of wine in her hand. "How is everything going?" she asks, kissing me on the cheek.

"Alot of Time has passed, Mom. I got married." I sit down on the couch I used to play fort behind, old weathered couch cushions.

"Oh, where is she? Is she still in the car?" "

"No Mom, we sold that car a few years after we got married. We're not together anymore."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Hughie. Are you ok?"
"We had a Daughter. We named her Amber"
"I'm so proud, Hughie. Is she with you, ... Amber?"
"No, she's in school. She started Junior High a few years ago. She's really sweet, Mom. I know you'll like her alot."

I take out a faded picture from my wallet and show it to her. It's Amber in Grade 6, smiling so wide with 3 of her baby teeth missing."She looks like you.. she has your eyes."
"Thanks Mom. I'm trying hard to be a good Dad, but sometimes I don't know."
"You're doing ok, Hughie. Are you still on your own? Raising her by yourself?"
"No. She lives with her Mom. It's hard not seeing her all the time, but, I think she's happy. And that's what matters, right?"
Mom winks. "Yep, that's all that matters."
Mom takes a sip of her wine. I look over to the door, to the vase full of plastic flowers. Some of them are real now, with their petals drooping into the others. Coating the tops of the flowers is a thin crust of snow.
"You never answered my question though. Are you ok?"

"Yes Mom. My little girl knows her Daddy loves her and I have someone special in my Life now."
"Are you sure? You thought the last one was someone special. How do you know she is?"

I look out the livingroom window, trying to find the right words.
"I don't know how to explain it right. She makes me smile without doing a thing. When I think about her, it's like someone pulled a warm blanket over me ....... ", I look away from the window and smile at my Mother, "She makes me believe in magic again, Mom"
"Well, that is good. You deserve someone special."
I get up from the couch. "I have to go now, Mom. I'll see you again though, ok?"

"Ok, Hughie. I love you."
I reach out and hug her, closing my eyes and letting myself be hugged. "I love you too, Mom".

When my eyes open, it's morning. Snow is lined up on the windowsill, making things brighter then they should be. But things are bright and I smile against the cold morning, because everything is ok.

The sacred geometry of chance

Song of the Moment

So many memories, it's hard to keep them all in place. I remember when my Daughter started school. I wanted so badly to be there for her first day, to be there when she got on the bus. I couldn't be there though. She lived so close and so far away from me. I could only watch from down the road, as she nervously stepped onto the bus, all smiles and sunshine. I sent my love to her with a whispered sentence as the bus drove away.

The bus went by every day where I lived. I woke up early to stand out in the parking lot and chance seeing her, to wave and send my smile her way. Too many mornings, it drove by in a flash ... one moment then gone. It was enough for me to imagine she had seen me waving.

One morning, the light turned red and the bus had to stop. I strained to see if she was watching for me. So many faces looking out the windows. Except for one, ... in the fogged up window, I saw a heart, drawn in the fog. And my girls face, smiling and waving back. All the chances were worth it for that one moment.

Life is about chance, doing what you can when you can do it. Keeping those special memories with you and trying hard to make more.