Should I talk slower like you're a retard?

Song Of The Moment

What do I got inside me today? Hmmmmmm...... Examining my mental-workings, as fun as it always has been, is starting to lose its appeal, along with alot of other things; the internet, music, achieving goals, etc. I think I've hit the big 404 page in my head.

Working 2 jobs, playing video games, surfing the net, enjoying the freedom of having a truck. There, thats the basics of day-to-day existence. Every weekend, my little girl comes over and I pretend everything's normal, for her sake. She goes back home to Mom and the silence sets in... quiet enough for me to hear those voices. I think they're in my head, but sometimes they sound like they're coming from behind me, or that maybe it's me talking.

"Live for right now... ... Are those Dads' boots by the door? ... ... I don't think I love you anymore... ... I missed you that whole year, Daddy."

Got home last night from visiting, laid down on the couch because the living room decided to start spinning counter-clockwise randomly and, as I stared at the entertainment system, I realized how distant and disconnected my Life is from what I 'percieve' it to be. I live alone, even when I'm in a room full of people. It's just me. Others don't really exist .. they CAN'T really exist in order for me to keep on keeping on, pretending this is how I want my path to unfold. If they did? ... it would be like taking the stopper out of a full bathtub. My lies and make-believes would swirl away from me and I would have to start all over, from the beginning.

So, please, don't take offense if I see through you. I can't really help it now, this far into the game.






Ciao

It's okay to be angry and never let go

Song Of The Moment

So broken.
Head full of voices
& sentimentality.

Lived this way so long,
can't release them or please them.
Wish for amnesia.

Put on a smile and lie to the world.
Make-believe stories and twisted truths'
mask me

Only those that can read my words when I talk
and hear what I say when I write
could even start to understand.

So I'm alone ...
So are we all.

Ciao

eye was looking into the mirror

Song Of The Moment

People don't realize how little things can affect peoples' lives. Take your name, for instance. My Mother, God bless her soul, wanted to name me Noel, since I was born so close to Christmas. Dad, however, being the strict Catholic he was, thought of (forceably-enforced) the name Hugh, thinking it would be more appropriate, naming me after P.E.I.'s first Catholic priests' gardener, Hugh-Ban (wtf???).

Having a name like Hugh means you are paranoid from the day you learn English. I hear my name everywhere. "Who did it? HUGH did it" Adding an 'ie' to it doesn't lessen this either. Then, instead of being ONE letter, you're TWO! Not everyone gets a 99% on their English test because they mispelt their own name "U-E"

Having a 'unique' name also means your Life skews from the norm. Don't believe this? Explain Pseudonyms .... So, to say I'm pompous is a fallacy. My Life demands differences, insists on being apart and seperate from the "Norm" (Quick Fact : Hillary Norman "Norm" Peterson was a character on the tv show Cheers, portrayed by George Wendt. Norm's real first name was revealed to be Hillary, named after his grandfather.)

So, what does this have to do with me getting laid? GOOD QUESTION! Not a whole hell of a lot. Besides the fact that hearing "uuuuUUUUuuuuu" breathed heavily into your ear sounds like a death groan and the actual act sounds so fake ... "oh YOU! OHHHH YOO-UUUU!!!!"

In conclusion, when I look in the mirror, I see You, and thats me. Hating on the inside, showing a happy face on the outside.







Ciao

And no one sings me lullabies and no one makes me close my eyes

Last half hour of "2001 : A Space Odyssey" synced with Echoes by Pink Floyd
Light a spliff and enjoy....

you're gonna listen to me, like it or not.....

Song Of The Moment

So I met this girl on Monday. Tuesday she called, asking "get me outta here". By Wednesday, I was asking the same thing. Thursday, she listened... I gave her no choice in the matter. And now? .. Friday? ... all is back to normal.
Its funny how some people only hear the sound of their own voices. Not what others are saying and *sometimes*, not even what THEY are really saying.

CASE IN POINT
On 9/3/05, I moved back from S'side, after finishing my Summer adventure, only to find I had nothing ... having sold off everything to *have* the adventure. Almost 2 years later, I have one of the highest paying jobs in my career yet, nice place of my own, bigger then what I had before, nice lil' truck .. and a few new friends.


Moral?
The only person you can count on being there til the end is .. yourself.
Treat that person fairly. Don't lie to them. Don't get overly hard on them. Listen to them.


"They" are all you have...






Ciao