I was not a friend to you

Song Of The Moment

Step one: Write something meaningful
Step two: Delete it.
Step three: Start over

OK, so, time for a reality post. I don't think I've done one of these for a few years now. Workin' 2 jobs. 8 hours at a desk, filling out reports, having meetings, drinking coffee\3-4 hours waxing floors. If I leave at 10am, I'm back home by 10pm. 3 cats waiting for me (1 mama and 2 kitties) who wonder who that guy is that sleeps here all the time. Mama is feeling the spring air and reminding me daily she needs to go to the vet to get fixed. Little brother kitty stretches out to be petted and little sister grabs half a kinder surprise egg and meows to me to play "Toss it and I'll go get it and bring it back to you". This lasts for about an hour, then I start saying to myself "ok, time to go to bed."

But I usually stay up til 1-2, watching & waiting. No idea what I'm waiting for either, really.
Isn't that weird?

The truck I bought last year is lasting nicely. Another 2 months before inspection and it needs some brake work done; body work too. But, it's dependable so far. Amber calls it "The Watchamacallit". Guess we ran out of neat names, what with the GXB (was a GMC) and the black banana (yellow 1/4 ton, painted black).

Trying to fix my budget, so it's not necessary to work 12 hours a day. Thinking of cutting my cable and home phone. Never watch TV much, what with working all day. And having a cell phone means having one on the wall is useless. 60-70 bucks a month saved. Amber's RESP is not tax-claimable apparently (Thanks tax 2000), so thinking of unloading it and investing what there is in a claimable one. One that will help both her and me in the long run.

Wow, now I know why I don't write normal blog posts. This thing reads like a diary. There's a ton more going on too, stuff I can explain in words, and stuff that it would stretch my vernacular to even try, but I don't think I have it in me right now. Apartments cleaned, tea is almost gone and I should go pick up some groceries before I pick Amber up. Maybe think of something fun and different to do this weekend. Any suggestions? Feel free to let me know.




Ciao (BTW, song of the moment was meant for the "deleted post". Maybe I'll reflect on it next time. Name of the band is Intoxicado, my second boss's band. They rock!)

Should I talk slower like you're retarded?

Song of The Moment

Ok, let's set some things straight here.

#1. I'm a hermit by choice. I've realized how easy it is to get screwed over and have chosen not to get associated with that. You will REALLY have to impress the crap outta me for ME to pay attention.

#2. Got sick of seeing how predictable people are a long time ago. If you think I don't know what you're up to, try me. I will prove you wrong.

#3. Don't lie to me. Why would you even do that? If you can't be yourself around me, (this DOES include telling me when to grow up, when to shut up, etc.) you need to re-evaluate whom you are being false to, ok? You're two-facing a hermit. That's kind of stupid, to be honest.

#4. Do NOT think I am your friend because I a. talked to you that one time b. had an inane chatter conversation with you or c. because you think I am your friend. I have had 3 real friends in my Life. Only 1 is still around and that's enough for me, thanks. Please see #1.

#5. If you should ever feel the need to show how smart/important/liked you are, please direct your haughty braggings elsewhere. I do not now, nor will I ever, feel the need to fill my head with your hot air. I've got enough hot air to do us both, ok? I'm like a freakin' HELIUM balloon! Again, see #1.

So, that's that! All clear? YAY!





Ciao

Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all

Song Of The Moment

The old puzzle had almost all it's pieces. I knew this because I would see one or two of them every now and then. There were only about 6 pieces but they were all where I last seen them. I would often say "I should see if I can at least get all the pieces back together in one place again. Then, maybe some day, I'll put it all together."
I never did. Time has a way of prioritizing you, pushing things to the back of the shelf. New things are so shiny and distracting that I forgot about the old things.

My sister died this morning and one of those pieces is gone forever.

Would it be like this? If I had taken the time to see if everything was ok, be less of a hermit, would I be wearing black now? Outcast by myself into the shadows, feeling loss but only able to vocalize it to the walls that have kept me company for so long? Only able to let my words dribble out in this fashion, in the hopes that re-reading it in the future will put things into perspective?

I'll never know. I didn't take the time.








Ciao