Never let your dreams grow small

Song Of The Moment

"Hook" with Robin Williams is playing on tv. Peter just learned how to use his imagination. "You're doing it, Peter. You're playing with us." Maybe, if I use my imagination, I can pretend that all is right. How can I keep fighting and let it all go at the same time?

Last year I fought a self-started court battle to get access with my Daughter. After 6 months of getting papers filled out, working through legal jargonese and waiting and WAITING for the courts to take action, I gained a court order stating days and times I was permitted to spend with my 6 year old daughter. Why did I start this court-battle? I wasn't allowed to see my daughter for Christmas. I didn't "win" by getting the court-order, I ended the fight. So sick of fighting to spend time with my Daughter. But now?...with my court order, the fighting was finished.

Peter Pan just rose above the table, flying again for the first time in a while. How can I fly if I am anchored by ....by what? "Whats your happy thought, Peter?" My happy thought is what keeps me anchored. My happy thought is so close but so far away.

The past year has been a symphony of "game playing". Whether its :
1. The Phone Game - Where one person waits for the other person to leave the house so they can call and leave messages on your machine, spitting vile hatefullness into the reciever, for the other person to listen to when they get home.
2. The Pawn Game - Saying things to a 6 year old girl so it can travel to the other person. hateful words about you, spoken by a child.
OR
3. The Money Game - This one is devious. Played enough and you almost think that you RENT the right to see your family members!

So obviously, having a court order doesn't neccassarily mean you get to see your children. It only means that the court has ordered it. If the other party does not let you, there is not much you can do about it right away. You can call the cops to have it "documented" and then take the person back to court. I mean you could try to talk to the "other party" and see if they can see clearly that all you want is to be a Father. But that would require talking without yelling, accusing, controlling or threatening.

Peter just found his happy thought. Being a Dad.

This is Easter weekend.

(B) Holiday/special day access will supersede regular access with the father having
access as follows:

(ii) Easter weekend: commencing 2006 and each even-numbered year thereafter from
Sunday 12:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. Commencing 2007 and each odd-numbered year
thereafter, Saturday 6:00 p.m. to Sunday 12:00 p.m.;

I call and I get disconnected after 2 maybe 3 rings. I was informed last weekend by my little one that, even though she wants to see me on Easter, she would be spending Easter with her Grandparents, since they have been away for 2 months. Which is great! But, um, what about her Dad? Isn't "he" allowed to see her as well? What if my Daughter said she would like to see both of us? Would that make it acceptable? What if I had a court-order to back me up? Hows about then? No?

This Hook movie is suddenly starting to look cheesy. I can see McDonalds figurines now, packaged as Peter Pan and Hook, being placed into Happy Meals. I see now the meaning behind the movie! Its all about marketing! Making money!

Happy Easter, My Daughter.












Ciao

Worn out places...worn out faces....

Song Of The Moment


































"I smelt the violets in her hands and asked, half in words, half in sign, a question that meant 'Is love the sweetness of flowers?'"
-Helen Keller

I couldn't bear to hear those words again

Song Of The Moment

"Dear xxxx,
After I walked xxxxxx home yesterday, I was confronted with a nice message from you when I got back to MY home. As much as I like to talk civilly about OUR Daughter, the flip-side is I RESENT scare tactics...ALOT! I have endured your form of "Parenting" for about 7 years now. I have "been the fool for" and "put up with" your threats, criticism and bullshit for far too long. As of today, you are not welcome here. Do NOT call my number. Do NOT leave messages on my machine. I do NOT want you living on my answering machine. If something comes up, find someone ELSE to notify me. Yes, thats right. YOU find someone else. YOU put up with restrictions because of YOUR stupidity.

To further summarize, if you want to end a sentence with "or else xxxxx won't be coming over to your place ever again", I HIGHLY suggest you get a "LAWYER" to word it for you. For THAT matter, I want to know just how much you are mind-xxxxing OUR Daughter in the first place! Do you batter her with questions when she walks in the front door? Do you question her until she cracks and starts crying? I won't ask if you talk civilly about me to her. I have heard enough of "Mommy says we can't afford much because YOU don't give her any money". I have explained how "Daddy gives money to Mommy by giving the money to someone who can give the money to Mommy without anyone yelling" enough to this 6-year-old child to last an ever-loving LIFETIME! If YOU do NOT have enough money because you wasted 7 years of your life working a 2-bit part-time job, spending your spare-time looking for a sugardaddy to support your insanity, thats YOUR fault, you trailerpark whore. Yes, thats right, you, ma'am, are a whore, complete with dead flowers in your 3-year-old trailer park garden and your splitting and rotting garbage bags cluttering the front yard of your 3rd rate hell-hole.

So, in conclusion, when the bills roll in for Baby #2 and you realize you can NOT afford anything anymore, do NOT think of me as your beating pillow. I fought for over a year to end your psychological BS, legal paper trains and endless court battles. I *WILL* do it again."






Ciao