I left it off the hook just to hear it ring

Song Of The Moment

So my first girlfriend moved back to the island. The last time I seen her, she was giving me back the spare key to my apartment and telling me "Its better this way." Now she's back from her cross-country adventure, almost 2 years later, with a son and a soon-to-be-husband. I know this because she called me and the display phone gave her away.

I won't even try to lie. She was my first true love. Something inside of her calls to me on a level that accepts her as she is, who she is. Even if she is committed to another, I am free to think of her freely, want to make her laugh and be "the shit" in her eyes. She tells me this in unspoken words, memories that we share, words that mean another. I sound obsessed.

I don't really know where to go with this situation. I know what she does for me, she would have to be blind not to know as well. I want to see her, but she's so far way from me. I want to give in to what I hold deep inside, but can't. Maybe I'm into self-torture. Or maybe I just haven't learned a lesson from it.

Regardless, yestrday was the closest Mars has been to the earth in a long time. Its also the farthest I have been from the feelings I have had for her, now re-ignited... and waiting for recognition





Ciao

ain't it stra-yay-ange?

Song Of The Moment

Here for your amusement, some of the best quoteables from the past few months.

"My I.Q. is SO 20/20!"

"Whats new today in Tech Support Land? Oh GOD! I'm sweating like a PIG. I need more alcohol!"

"Right-click on the shotgun and select reload"

"They weren't lesbians, they were just drunk."

"My ashtray is such a ho."

"My butt lungs hurt."

"Do you think this shirt makes me look fat? ... um, purple volkswagon mirror?"

AND, my ALL-TIME FAVE!

"They spell 'get out' the same in EVERY province!"





Ciao

the road to hell is littered with nice guys with good intentions

Song Of The Moment

I have been obsessed with my own mortality as of late. I have 2 lumps on my back, by my kidneys, that are paining me. With cancer being a pre-dominant gene in my family and with my younger sister geing re-diagnosed with cancer just recently, I am understandably scared spitless. Scared enough to make a doctors appt for Friday, in the hopes that this is just a kidney infection, and quit smoking, cold turkey.

With that said and done, lets assume the worst is true. Lets say I have cancer. I watched my Mom and Dad die of cancer. It was nowhere near pretty. Months spent deteriorating in the hospital, only to die of a cold. I was in my 20's when my parents died. Mom at 54, Dad at 62. My young one is only 7. I want to leave her with more memories then just the past 7 years.

But what if its too late?

Re-establish home-base. Unfortunately, this revelation at my short time here has changed how I see things, once again. If I didn't care before, I *really* don't care now. When I say "don't care", what I really mean is, why worry about the consequences? You only have a short time here. Do it like you can't do it again.







Ciao