Oct 6th, 2013

Tomorrow is my Daughters birthday. She'll be turning 15 this year. I haven't seen her since for about a year and a half now.

... no, she hasn't been abducted or kidnapped. I just haven't seen her since 2012. I might get the courage enough to try to call her tomorrow. Just scared her Mom will answer the phone and yell/laugh at me.

I want to write more than this that but it's hard to keep talking about it.

....... be right back, ok?







Now it's tomorrow. Skipped work because of a "family emergency". I want to call but I'm afraid of what may be. Accidentally dialed the number as I was walking by the kitchen and heard the automated voice telling me the number was not in service. I wish I could just go out to her new house and knock on the door but her Mom will just scream and yell at me. So I sent her an email.




Hi _____. It's your Dad. Happy Birthday!!

Tried to call your phone but the message said the phone was not in service. Maybe you got a new phone for your birthday? :D


Maybe we can hangout again sometime? I really miss seeing you. I'm sorry if you don't know what to say to me. It can be something simple like "Hi" :)


I still have a present for you, if you want it.






Love you _____,




Dad






Maybe I should just let go of what can't be changed. Accept what is now. If all I can do is send her an email, then that's what I can do. I won't ever forget that I have, not had, HAVE a daughter. And someday she's going to need me. I better be ready for when that day comes.







And today is two days later. I got promoted at work, today is my day off and, most importantly, the world did not end. Not seeing my daughter is rough. Thinking about it all the time is not healthy and is what is bringing me down. I haven't forgotten that I have a daughter, I am getting ready for when I see her again.

Walk out the door. Don't turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore.

Song of the Moment

Another year passes. Things change every day. Everything I had is either gone or slowly slipping away. Except myself. I am still here.

My old job of 8 years vanished. They are missing out. My friends? Most of them vanished. A few are still around, virtually anyway. Family seems as distant as mars. Had to move from the place I called home for 8 years as well because of a former friend being selfish and unthinking. Oh well, you know what? I'M STILL HERE!!

What have I been doing lately? My #1 hobby of late has been converting old VHS tapes to digital and uploading old commercials I have found to my YouTube channel. Shameless self-promotion alert!


HughTube





I've also started playing some of my old video game consoles. Getting hooked on Super Mario Bros 3 for the NES and Resident Evil 4 for the Gamecube (even if Professional mode was probably not a good decision to try to accomplish).

Working at yet ANOTHER CALL CENTRE. But, it's only out of need for income. I am still looking for something better that won't make me any more jaded towards people. Because there is good out there yet to be found, I am sure of it.

Living with a very very good friend of mine. She has been one of the only people that has stuck around during the past few tumultuous years and has proven to be someone who actually cares bout me, even if on FB we're "complicated".

Haven't heard from my daughter for over a year though, and that is starting to really bring me down. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that nothing will change the fact that I am her father, even if I never see her again. I hope the latter changes however. I miss seeing her alot.

Ok, that's it for me for now.

Ciao