Saturday, October 27, 2007

I'm the loudest one laughing at the saddest wake










I guess most people don't understand me, those that would take a moment to try. I'm constantly trying to piece myself together as well.

One thing I know, I *need* humor.

Ok, let me explain something. A long time ago, a very close friend explained to me something very important. "We all want money, free time, gadgets and doo-dads. But we don't need them to live. If we go without air, we die. If we go without human contact, we don't die, physically, we die mentally. Do you understand?"

So, I don't just "want" humor, I need it. Without it, things get Black and Grey. People lose their tactile relativity and things get out-of-focus. I haven't tried going for longer then a few weeks without it. I usually end those periods of time, laughing like a freaking maniac at something very, very bland. laughing like I was going to have a heart-attack. These laughing bouts usually end with tears.

It's almost like going underwater and getting your foot stuck under a rock. You fight and pull at your foot, all the while thinking "O frig, o frig, I'm screwed". Your vision gets bleary as you try not to breathe in the water that will replace the air you need and inevitably kill you. Finally, after freeing yourself, you frantically swim back to the surface and, as soon as you break, your body screams in air, violently. Trying to get in as much as you need, 'til your eyes water.

So, if I seem off-kilter with the things I say and do, it's just my way of breathing, my way of keeping alive.





Ciao

Friday, October 19, 2007

It's been so long since I've been home


"Hello 2 A.M.. What thoughts do you have for me tonight?"

"Well, lets get started with work, why don't we?"

"Ok, what about it?"

"Isn't it funny that you try *so hard* to put all of yourself into your job but you can *never* really talk about what you do? Isn't it sadly ironic that, even though you're pretty proud about how you **** **** ****** ***** ** **** or how you **** *** ******* ***'* ***, you are not allowed to discuss it openly with others?"

"Ok 2 A.M., we're off to another bad start tonight, I see. Let's switch topics, ok?"

"Sure buddy, anything for an old friend. How's your social life? Met anyone new & exciting?"

"sigh"

"Oh, that's right! You're still going with your whole 'hermitization theory', aintcha? How's that going, anyways? Learning anything new about yourself? Opening up any doors?"

"You know something, 2 A.M.? Sometimes I think you only come around to make the new day worse before it even begins."

"Oh c'mon, man. You know you need me. You know that without me, you would never realize how quickly things have gotten out of control. Or how you really want to do things out of the ordinary but don't. Damn man! Without me?... you might actually get some decent sleep at night!"

"Ok, listen. We can talk but you're gonna have to pick something that is appropriate, ok?"

"........ how's your little one?"

"Yup, knew it. You are getting too predictable, 2 A.M.. You can stick around for a while, if you want, but I'm hitting the hay. Turn out the lights and lock the doors when you leave, ok?"

"Ok pal, I always do, don't I?"







"Ciao"