Should I talk slower like you're a retard?

Song Of The Moment

What do I got inside me today? Hmmmmmm...... Examining my mental-workings, as fun as it always has been, is starting to lose its appeal, along with alot of other things; the internet, music, achieving goals, etc. I think I've hit the big 404 page in my head.

Working 2 jobs, playing video games, surfing the net, enjoying the freedom of having a truck. There, thats the basics of day-to-day existence. Every weekend, my little girl comes over and I pretend everything's normal, for her sake. She goes back home to Mom and the silence sets in... quiet enough for me to hear those voices. I think they're in my head, but sometimes they sound like they're coming from behind me, or that maybe it's me talking.

"Live for right now... ... Are those Dads' boots by the door? ... ... I don't think I love you anymore... ... I missed you that whole year, Daddy."

Got home last night from visiting, laid down on the couch because the living room decided to start spinning counter-clockwise randomly and, as I stared at the entertainment system, I realized how distant and disconnected my Life is from what I 'percieve' it to be. I live alone, even when I'm in a room full of people. It's just me. Others don't really exist .. they CAN'T really exist in order for me to keep on keeping on, pretending this is how I want my path to unfold. If they did? ... it would be like taking the stopper out of a full bathtub. My lies and make-believes would swirl away from me and I would have to start all over, from the beginning.

So, please, don't take offense if I see through you. I can't really help it now, this far into the game.






Ciao