Fear Factor

Song of the Moment is gone....click here to complain

So, I've been in the process of re-building things. Getting my new place set up and liveable, getting the utilities needed set up as well (lights, phone, internet, etc.) and re-buying all those little things I lost during my Summer adventure (mobile phone, tv for the bedroom, spatula, that sort of thing). Even though the tech job I have now pays roughly 300$ more a month then my old job, I still find it a hassle to add in certain things to my bi-weekly shopping list. One of these things is tobacco.

Now, normally, that would be a big problem. I am completely addicted to smoking. I have only been able to quit for MAX of a week. When I am croaking for a cig, I cannot concentrate on anything other then "getting my next cig". Getting the "next cig" can be anything from bumming off someone to "rolling a cigarette out of butts". Disgusting and degrading but this is the case of most people whom are addicted to something.

I have always been concerned with cancer. Both my parents died of it. Both of my sisters have had it. Now, after working at a call centre for about 4 months, I have developed a weird "lump in my throat". I am not sure if this is because I am talking more now and my vocal cords are being strained or if it is a cancerous lump, possibly holding lung cancer and the loss of my voice. At this point, my paranoia has reached a peak. Bad enough that I made a doctors appointment to have it checked.

This makes me think about my past post as well, involving my old boss. He had quit smoking. Still has, as far as I know. Anyone with the will-power to quit an addictive chemical for more then a month has an A+ in my books...BUT...its how they quit that gets to me. Yes, quitting something leads to withdrawal and erratic behavior. I can understand that. But, if someone has quit for over a year, the cravings should be either abated or "dealt with". In other words, saying your crabby and mean BECAUSE you quit smoking a year ago doesn't fly.

In other news, I have been asked recently to make modifications to my blog, on account of certain things posted were meant for my eyes only. I have honored that request, in the hopes that in posting it in the first place, the person has learned what it sounded like by reading it over and over and over. I think they have....hell, I learned my lesson from the whole ordeal a long time ago. Now, if only I can learn the lesson of "Quitting something harmful being good for me".....







Ciao