Welcome to Winter 2005

Song Of The Moment Has Been Temporarily Cancelled Due To My Webserver Being Down


My favorite Christmas memory was back in 2000, when my little girl came over for Christmas. It was the first (and only, to date) time she spent Christmas with me and the memories of it are still fresh in mind, like it was yesterday.

We both stayed up late, watching Christmas cartoons and setting up *traps* for Santa, and it wasn't until about 11:30 that she finally fell asleep, hugging her Christmas stocking tightly. After putting her to bed, I did the *Dad* thing and filled the stocking, lined the underneath of the tree with "Santa's presents" and sat back with a plate of ol' HoHos' cookies and watched the lights on the tree flicker on and off. Frankie sang about how he would be home for Christmas on the radio and I thought "Wow, I'm home." This was the first apartment I had rented since My wife and I had seperated and I was surprised at how at home I felt.

This is how it is supposed to be at Christmas though. You are supposed to be with your family. Only with your closest loved ones at this time of year can you feel the true spirit of the season.
I feel bad for all the people in the world without *families* to be with at this time of year. I used to think I was one of those people, lost and alone with no one to express anything to. I kind of remember that feeling to *this* day, answering technical calls to people and hearing that lost sound in some of their voices. Makes me wonder how some people keep on "keeping on", especially at this time of year when everything is supposed to be "holly jolly"...or at least "Christian".

To end this Yuletide blog entry, I want to share something I found on a computer that was given to me as a "Moving In/Christmas gift". Its Christian theme and the sadness attached kind of sums up the holidays, sadly, for so many.


It Had Come To This

It is here
at the end of everything
that I may best analyze the course of yesterdays long gone
those turns I'd taken
decisions I made
illusions I cherished
dreams that never fulfilled
so many hearts I've broken
and promises
that I knew I could never bring to pass

My family and all those I cherished helpless before me
I saw myself as a samaritan to those in need
thinking I could carry the entire world upon myself
and wondering why now the weight is too great to be borne

Now who is the one who may come and help that samaritan who became the abandoned wayfarer?
Laying in his blood and crowds are passing him by
without so much as noticing him
and giving such insignificant help
what that man requires is a complete blood transfusion
see how I have reached the limit
and I cannot go any further
yet I keep grasping for that forsaken ideal
and the more I extend my arms
the further away the goal carries itself further away from me

That I cannot heal that wound on my own
my strength has waned
and determination
will not last the fading day
see as I have not always seen
with those eyes of reality
the literal chains that bind me
see how inadequate I am
for this society made of morals, ethics, I was always denied

Overconfident
generous of that which i did not possess
dead on arrival
Christ never agreed to pay for that which I now owe
my soul I have sold for twice nothing
and told Satan to keep the change





Ciao (and Merry HoHo)