Saturday, July 12, 2008

Now these points of data make a wonderful line


It's funny how we hate. Useless actions and words said for no other obvious reason then to cause misery. Hate breeds hate in most. Everyone has that 'Jaded switch', the one that flicks on subconsciously when it's time to defend yourself. And a good portion of people point the hate inwardly, tearing themselves apart, until all that is left is the gift of hate, given to them long ago.

I'm no better.

Can we change that part of ourselves that causes grief for no other reason then to defend our weaknesses? It's not something that can be pointed out; isolate the infection and cure it. It can only be found by the owner, that dust-covered box, still wrapped-up with the gift tag bearing the name of the giver. of course, once you find it, what do you do with it? Can't really use it effectively, right off the bat. Inside the box is black and grey, swirling around like some evil stew, and it makes noises, sour noises like those heard at a wake. Who would want to ever use this?

So, we try to give it back to the owner. Too late for that. Sorry. They gave it to you because they didn't really want it in the first place. Why did you ever take this thing? So, now, we're stuck with it. Gotta hide it. Weird thing about this gift is it reacts to other unwanted gifts. Once it hears/sees another present like itself, it pops open and starts yowling. Goddamnit! No matter how far under the bed you stuff it, it can be heard!

I guess the trick to it is right at the beginning. Don't accept the hate. Let it scream and howl. REALLY see it for what it is. Just another toddler learning that "If I bite the kitties tail, it makes a noise...." and sometimes it claws me back, feeding this blackness inside.... Then, you can see how senseless it is, a continuous circle of nothing.

Then, you can make it better.








Ciao

1 comments:

peijoe said...

Hate is not a gift we accept it is a gift given to us by a fucking dysfunctional family from the time we take our first breath. Hate is drunkenness, fear, hunger, anger yes not just anger but FUCKING anger there is a difference.
It is given to us even though we never asked for it and we pass it on because we don't know any better.
but there is a time in all our lives we have to haul that fucking hate back out from under the bed and look at it, look at where it came from, we are not to blame.
Although I have been given the tools to get rid of the hate I am not ready to give it up. I want revenge. So until I let go I will continue the circle of nothing.
Man I have so much hate I have to stop writing here. I get enraged just thinking about 1 - @#$%$ - 2 - %$#@ - 3 - @#^%& Yes it just continues.
I so understand pal, yet, I am the guy you see walking up town I look "normal" Smile and say good morning, nice day------- Fucking hate, poison I am ODed by it
Love reading your blog